Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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