whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
