This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
