Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
