I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
