Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
