That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
