Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I could make wine with my vomit
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Randomize
