She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
