Will you blow on my dice?
I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
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