Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
There's always time for handjobs
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
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