do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
