I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
