Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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