I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I understand Curling. That high.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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