you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
