I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
