did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
