shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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