I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
