mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
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