There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
