Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
