put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
