If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
zippers are such a cool invention
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
