No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
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