Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
