Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
