anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
