I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
