someone get that fucking seahorse.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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