it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
