Cold hands, warm shart.
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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