I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Randomize
