We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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