so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
