I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
