Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
