ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Randomize
