when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Who did Billy Mays play for?
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
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