I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
