i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
