I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
