All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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