I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
