I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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