I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
