Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
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