Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
