He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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